MIX TAPE: Soundtrack to My Life

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Album Collection

  1. .Details in Fabric (Jason Mraz)
  2. Hard way home(Brandi Carlile)
  3. So much to say (Dave Mathews)
  4. So small (Carrie Underwood)
  5. In the Mirror (Yanni)
  6. Come alive (Janelle Monae)
  7. Little wonders (Rob Thomas)
  8. Arroz con Pollo (Maxwell)
  9. Crazy Dreams (Carrie Underwood)
  10. My way (Los Lonely Boys)
  11. This Year(Meghan Tonjes)

Audience of One

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Sunny lake

Sunny lake (Photo credit: stevec77)

Today was a gorgeous day, it was cool enough for long sleeves but the sun made a definite appearance. I took a long brisk walk. The heat of the sun was like a loving embrace from the universe. These walks nurture my spirit. I always finish my walks feeling renewed, empowered to overcome daily challenges with a new sense of confidence.

It would have been nice to take a long walk with you, even if it was just one time. I wonder what we would talk about. On my walks I encounter a small cat colony. If you make it out here before 7 am you may run into a frail yet enthusiastic lady that comes out to feed all the lake animals ( geese and other lake birds). The cats seem to recognize her as an old friend and walk up to her and even let her pet them. I like to think that you were probably a cat person, I am.

I would give anything for a moment with you that I could remember, something to cherish. Although I have no recollection of you, I feel an overwhelming connection to you on days like today.

Wherever you are, I hope I made you proud.

With a yearning heart,
Your daughter

No Regrets!

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It’s funny how fast time flies and we don’t realize it until we are sifting through old pictures or just looking for good music and realize our music is no longer “in” I can remember laying in my bed, (I was about 12-13 years old) staring at the ceiling and just thinking about time and how I would get older and I wanted to remember myself at that specific moment in time. I wanted to remember the ceiling just at it was, every insignificant speck of that terrible popcorn ceiling…weird. Then I grew up and time just seems to slip away; especially those special moments with my son. Soon he will be the same age I was when I was staring at my ceiling. The other day I mentioned something that happened before he was born. He gave me this funny look. He got a little quiet and I asked him what was wrong and he just couldn’t comprehend the thought of me being here without him or him being here without me. He became overcome with emotion. My heart broke because I just wanted to take away that feeling but I was unprepared for this conversation. I explained that he will be much more prepared when that time comes  because he will have  had life experience and that for now we just have to appreciate each day so there are no regrets. Talk about forcing me to face a subject I would naturally avoid! My own personal life coach…my son.

Bubbles!!!

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Why am I here? This is a question that I think we all ask ourselves at one time or another. When I was younger I used to think there was a hidden camera following me and that one day all bad things would come to light. I went through some hard times and always figured everything would be rectified because surely someone (god) would go through the play-by-play and it would just be awesome! No worries right?

As I got older I realized that wrongs are not always made right. Life is not a movie where the ending is always just right. So what is life? Why are we here? I have come to think of life as a perfect gift because it is not a thing. This gift didn’t cost millions of dollars. You can’t put is on display like a status symbol. It isn’t the most expensive thing you put in your closet. It is what is happening RIGHT NOW. The past is just a memory, thoughts flying around in your head that you will never actually relive. The future may never be. Life is what you are experiencing at THIS VERY MOMENT. The minute I came to this realization, I decided that I wanted to “BE IN THE MOMENT!” mentally. This reminds me of the yellow fish (Bubbles) in Finding Nemo, holding on to his bubbles. Life’s moments, like bubbles, are fleeting. You can try to hold on to them but you can’t. I definitely don’t want to hang on to negative memories. My life’s goal is to appreciate living and breathing and taking part in wonderful new memories. I know this may sound a bit grandiose especially since life is not all beautiful. But even through the hard times there are discoveries about us, our loved ones and just  living that are worth remembering. I hope to live a life that is worth remembering, because in the end don’t we all want to feel like we have left some sort of positive, meaningful mark on the world we leave behind?

Weekly Photo Challenge: Family

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This weeks challenge was fun because I finally got a chance to sit down and organize my family photo album. I found so many old memories and it was pretty hard to select just a few.

 In this first image we have my son with our two mini-dachshunds. The day I brought these brothers home, my son was crazy for them. His exact words, “This’ll be a day we’re never going to forget!” He quickly bonded with Reece’s, the chocolate one and has been completely responsible for him since day one.  These doxies are going on 3 years and silly as ever.  Reece’s loves to play “sniff/fetch” . This is where we hide a toy and watch him literally go into non-stop SNIFFer Mode until he finds it. And he always does! Chikko is the little dappled one. He was the runt of the litter and is a good 2 lbs smaller than Reece’s. Because he is so small combined with the dachshund physique (short & stout with an almost regal, protruding chest), He trots about aloof except with a goofy grin. He gets all the attention when we travel because of his unique markings. Reece’s is just fine with that. Reece’s is only concerned with my son. They truly are a joy and have taught us so much about life.

Why I want to be more like my dog:

  • They wake up every morning with an abundant zest for what the day will bring, That is LIVING!
  • There is practically nothing we could do that would stop them from loving us, that is unconditional love in its simplest form. Who said love had to be complicated anyway!
  • There is not a day that goes by that they do not put a smile on our face. They remind me daily to attempt to put a smile on someones face.

I took the next photo at a local water reservoir we like to call a “lake” (Lake Hefner. ) The reservoir is surrounded by walking and cycling trails, a golf course and eateries, along with scenic vistas. My son loves to peer through the telescope to see what’s going on the other side of the lake. I picked this as one of the pictures for this challenge because one of my dearest friends is standing with him and enjoying his excitement. Isn’t that one of the main things families do for us? They are present to bear witness and take part in our journey. The events we experience in life are not worth experiencing alone. That is why we are blessed with family.

This brings me to my last image which is bittersweet. In making this photo I managed to break a very special hand mold that my son made when he was six years old. It truly broke my heart to see it shatter because of my butter fingers, agh!  This is an image of some of the items my son has made for me in the recent years. My personal favorites are the clay rose he gave me for mother’s day and the mobile made of popsicle sticks and a hanger.  Only family would see the true value in these items. Family looks beyond your limitations and sees your potential. Family embraces your ideas and realizes their worth. Family cherishes your every  achievement, no matter how mundane. Cheers!

Reprogramming: Socially Stunted?

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I hate to admit that I am painfully awkward in social situations.  An endearing comparison would be Bridget (Bridget Jones Diary). Don’t we all run into those awkward situations? I walk away scratching my head and saying “Why didn’t I say…” I seriously used to be good with people but all of a sudden, people started acting weird. It’s not me, it’s them! Ok, so it’s not just them…

 One day my son was invited to a sleep over and I agreed that he could go. I hadn’t realized that the child’s mom wanted to have a social visit. I got there to drop him off and she was outside waiting for me. I though to myself, this is a good time to ask her about her sons’ birthday gift. So I got out of the car for a quick greeting. As soon as I got out of the car I could smell a BBQ. She comes over to me and hands me a spritzer and tells me “we are all out back; I didn’t want you to think we weren’t here if no one answered the door.”

Okay, this is where I wanted to make a run for it. But you can’t just do stuff like that…right? So I follow her around to the back where we meet a bunch of people I do not know. They seemed nice enough. So this guy (with an overly enthusiastic look on his face) comes over to me, “Hi I am Steve! So, are you Native American?” I get that a lot.

I tell him “nope. I am 100% Mexican.” So he gives me The Look. I call it the Mexican=Illegal look. Yup, I tend to carry this chip on my shoulder. I start to feel a bit uncomfortable. so I ask him, “What are you?” This time I get the surprised look.

“Oh… no,” says the man of many expressions, “I just don’t think you look Mexican,” Almost as if that was a complement!

 Determined to make my point, I ask “Are you Irish, Swedish, Polish…Italian?”

Confused he stammers, “I have a little German”. “A little? What else?” I coax. I get a contemplative stare. “Well then, the only difference between you and me is that I know my bloodline.” (with a bit of a neck roll I leave him with a dumbfounded expression) I let the hostess know that I just received a text that I have to leave due to a non emergency…emergency.

Okay, so when I left I was no longer hungry and I think I was vaguely nauseous. I started replaying the scene in my head. Was I too harsh? Was he just trying to start up a conversation? How could I have changed this outcome without being defensive? I could have gone along with Native American; I have done that one before. I should have just made light of the question right? A joke, something like, “I am not an illegal one.” Or “Yea, I keep my sombrero and pancho in the closet so no one will find out my secret” I thought of so many more offhanded comments that I could have made and then moved on to enjoy the evening. Yep, not me! I often make the aggressive, “I’m righy, your wrong” choice. Maybe it’s my way of getting out of uncomfortable conversations.

My goal is to improve my interactions with people. I want to push through my initial negative reactions toward more positive outcomes. I can do this!

Life Is An Echo

What you send out – comes back.

What you sow – you reap.

What you give – you get.

What you see in others – exists in you. ~Pravs J

Let it roll off your shoulder…

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Please Excuse me as I vent. This week I have been struggling with the Idea of “letting go”.  Sure it makes perfect sense that holding on to resentments is bad. Bad for your spirit, bad for your relationships, bad for your health, bad, bad, bad. But how does one truly, “let go”? I remember there used to be a television show that used to come on pretty late at night. It was a reality show that oftentimes had women, but sometimes couples, in a “live in” situation where they went away to deal with their “issues”. I want that.  I am a work in progress and sometimes I feel like there is an overwhelming amount of work to do. I want to get it all done so I can be happy already! Maybe it is because I am a woman, I just can’t  let things go.

On a positive note, I am thankful for the strength to deal with life’s struggles. I know that while life at times seems unfair, I will get through each chapter with a lesson learned! I am thankful that this journey is mine to take. I have made very good strides with my weight loss journey. I am learning so much about myself. My “accountability challenge” is going well. I look forward to my next weigh in as I expect to see some very good results.

I will leave you guys with a quote that I sometimes use with my pups so take it with a grain of salt  🙂

Drop it, leave it, let it go ~Joyce Meyer